Episode 20: Who's more funny?

He says:

A friend had this theory. He said men are funnier than women. They have this knack of making people around them happy. And not in the gay sense of the word.

Yes, we are NOT talking about the four men in the car who were feeling Happy until Happy got up and ran away. He he!

See, see... you say He He, not She She!

What I'm trying to say here through these really sad jokes is that men don't mind playing the fool. They don't mind being called the clown.

So my friend said: "Think of one person who makes you laugh the most." I did. "Now, was that a girl?" he asked. And No, it wasn't. I must admit here that I do have a few women friends who make me laugh. But only because some of them, like 'She', often are victims of the practical jokes.

I play on them and some others, because they do not know they are funny in a bumbling-goofy sort of way. But no woman is as funny as any guy can be. Being funny is a guy thing. That's because men have a bolder sense of humour. They are more adventurous in going for the jokes. They can be quite irreverent.

Like Cyrus Broacha once said (like he would remember even if he did): The reason you find me funny is because I try hard. If I try 100 lines in an hour and you laugh at least 10 times, you find me funny. How will you be funny if you don't even try?

That's the problem with women. They like to play it safe. Yes, She would like to believe women are sophisticated and classy. But there is a difference between being witty and being funny. We're talking about the funny here. Let me now demonstrate that women cannot be funny and can make you laugh quite unwittingly.

Read the following.

She says:

And that's precisely the problem with men. Their dreadfully juvenile form of slapstick haw-haw humour. (No one says 'hee hee' unless they've just had all their teeth knocked out.)

Want a classic example of male humour? My 'funny' co-writer slunk off with my cell phone at a recent party, and text messaged a random collection of people, including official contacts, saying "I think I'm falling in love with you." Now, about one dozen men are convinced I secretly carry the torch for them, and I'm getting exceedingly strange looks wherever I go. The last time he hijacked my phone, he messaged 'Burp!' to half my contact list. Think that's funny? You must be male.

Hit yourself on top of your head with this newspaper for me, please.

Groan. Why must all men be boys?

The difference between men and women, when it comes to a sense of humour, is the fact that women are far more grown up. I know a number of really interesting women, who are simply hilarious when they start telling stories — a number of which, by the way, are centred around men and the ridiculous things they do.

Because, women are funny in an intelligent sort of way.

And it's not always bookish humour. I went to a girls' boarding school where an average prank took at least half an hour of careful planning, whether it was the creation of a bewildering 'apple pie bed', which included zanily folded sheets to confuse the victim, or midnight feast replete with talented mimicry. The equivalent at the boys' schools was grabbing a junior and flushing his head in the toilet.

And that's the difference between men and women, when it comes to humour: women are funny because you laugh with them.

Men are funny, because — well — just look at them.

Episode 19: Why are women so choosy about friends?

He says:
Ever noticed how women are choosy about friends?

Men just about bond with anybody and everybody. Men and women. Women are picky. Men do not stay away from women who aren't that attractive or smart. Women are snooty.

Men do not assume that every girl who talks to them is hitting on them. Women can be so vain.
Men don't see why they need a reason to be friends. Women need a reason.

They need to either find the guy intelligent or attractive or entertaining or helpful and caring and sensitive and all that you find the shopping for in matrimonial profiles and dating lists.

Isn't it rather strange that most women try to find reasons to be friends after you break up with them? Of course, it is difficult for two people who loved each other to be friends even if one of them still loves the other. But once they've broken up or decided against a relationship, it's probably because they don't really love each other any more, or, at least one of them doesn't love the other enough for the relationship to survive, and hence, it becomes a pointless one-sided exercise which one must get over before they can be friends.

But the point here is, once you are over it, it doesn't take much to be friends. Unlike a relationship which requires people to share lives, time and space, friendship comes with no strings attached.

A friend wouldn't even care if you don't call him for a week. He knows you care even if you call him after two months. Because, for a man, being a friend is as simple as simply being there. Unconditionally.

Men are willing to be friends all the time. With anyone and everyone.

Can a woman dare say the same?

She says:

Dare? We wouldn't dream of it. Of course we're snooty about our friends. We have every right to be.

Friendships between women are very different from friendships between men. The most intense conversation I've seen between two men involved a certain scene from Star Wars.
Most of the time male bonding involves the sports channel, chips and beer. Guys rarely have deep meaningful relationships with each other.

Heck. Guys barely have conversations with each other — unless you count grunts and glugs as conversation.

Which probably explains why men need a 'boys night out' only once a month or so. Why telephone conversations between men rarely last more than five minutes. And why men always, and I mean always, want female company — whether it's in the form of girlfriends or just girl buddies — no matter where they are.

Try looking for a straight man who will willingly go to an all male party and you'll be circling the globe forever.

Women, on the other hand, love Girls Nights. And this is regardless of whether they're pig-tailed horrors in flannel pyjamas encrusted with chocolate at a pyjama party; perfectly turned out, cocktail drinking hipsters at a nightclub, or dignified greying friends gathered around a card table sharing gossip and Darjeeling tea.

Because women truly enjoy each other's company.

We do things together, whether it's going for group beauty parlour binges or shoe shopping sprees. We make sincere efforts to keep in touch, even if it involves trans-Atlantic phone calls or taking a train, bus and autorickshaw to share a pot of tea. And we depend on each other, being supportive though break-ups and bad hair days.

Which is precisely why we're picky about who we count among our friends. Because we need to have people we can count on. Not just go fishing with.